Abinda ya sabawa ita ce halin da suke ciki lokacin da basu haifa 'ya'yansu ba, ko da yake ba su kasance a shirye su yarda da ɗayan ba. Batun ilmantar da wani yaro ya kasance yana da dacewa. Ga mutane da yawa, wannan matsala ce, yana buƙatar canji a halin halayyarka - kuma za ku yarda, ba haka ba ne mai sauki. Turawa game da yadda mace ta karbi dan wani yaro za'a iya jin shi a yawancin labaran da ke nunawa kuma ya karanta a kan batutuwa daban-daban. Amma kada ka bi hankali game da kwarewar wani, saboda fahimtar halin da halin da ake ciki game da shi daban-daban ga dukan mutane, wanda ke nufin cewa a wannan yanayin wani kwarewar wani zai iya cutar da shi. Idan mace ba ta iya karɓar ɗan wani ba, to, da farko, kana bukatar ka gwada fahimtar dalilai na wannan. Dalilin da aka raba shi ne zuwa wasu nau'o'in:
- a matakin hankula (rashin tunani, kin amincewa, fushi);
- a matsanancin motsin zuciyarmu (takaici, damuwa, zalunci, rashin amincewar aiki);
- a matsayi na ilimi (kimantawa da sakamakon mummunan sakamako, yin la'akari da "don" da "a kan", yarda da tsarin rayuwar);
- a matakin halaye (halayyar ƙira).
Bari mu dubi kowane mataki a cikin daki-daki. Matsayin ji ya ƙayyade jihar inda, ga mace, kuma ba a iya kwatanta shi ba, ɗan yaro ba ya haifar da jihi, ko kuma ya sa fushi ko fushi. Wannan halin ya bayyana ta cikin ciki, watakila ma maras sani, rashin jin daɗin kasancewa iyaye.
Idan mace ta riga ta kasance uwa, to wannan irin wannan tunanin yakan tashi a kan rashin fahimta saboda kishi da kuma sha'awar yaron ya yalwata dukan sauran yara, wannan ana kiranta soyayya ne a cikin uwa. Ba abu mai sauƙi ba ne don kawar da waɗannan matsalolin. Abin da kawai za a iya ba da shawarar ga mahaifiya shine kula da wani yaro, don ƙoƙarin sha'awar nasarorinsa kuma ya kasance abokinsa na farko. Dalili na kin amincewa a matakin motsin zuciyarka an bayyana su a cikin rashin tausayi, damuwa da matsanancin adawa ga yaro. Ba kamar matakin da ya gabata ba, mace ta fahimci cewa dan yaron ya kasance ta gwagwarmaya da kanta, ta kasance cikin halin da ta takaici kuma bai san yadda zai fita ba. Sakamakon wannan matakin an kawar da kansu, amma wannan yana daukan lokaci. Rashin rashin yarda da wani yaro a matakin kulawa ya bayyana ta hanyar ladabi na mace. Wataƙila ta kasance mai aiki kuma ta sa rayuwarta ta kasance mai iko, kuma bayyanar wani yaro bai kasance a cikin shirinta ba. A wannan yanayin, ƙananan yaro ba zai dace da tsarin rayuwa ba kuma ya zama barazana ga nasarar ci gabanta. Irin wannan dalilai kuma an tumɓuke su, amma ba ta kansu ba - mace ya kamata yayi tunani game da yadda za a yarda da wani yaron kuma ya gina wani sabon shirin, sannan kuma ya dace da shi cikin shirin rayuwarsu.
Dalilin a matakin shigarwa yana daga cikin mafi wuya, domin ya rinjaye su ya zama dole ya karya rushewar tunanin da mace ta gina. Irin wannan asalin ya fito ne daga abin da ake kira "farfado da tunani". Matar tana jin tsoron karbar ɗan wani, domin wannan yana nufin yin bambanci a rayuwa, kuma mahimmin shafi yana taimakawa wajen tserewa daga duk matsalolin. Amma wannan bambance ne kawai, saboda ba za ku iya yin boye ba "a cikin harsashi." Za a iya gina ganuwar tsaron gida sosai domin zai buƙaci taimakon mai ilimin likita. Kowace dalilin dalili na yarda da yarinyar, mace dole ne ta yanke shawara kan kanta dalilin da yasa ta dauki wannan matakan kuma yadda yake da muhimmancin ta zama uwar ga wani yaron. Amsa ga waɗannan tambayoyin zasu taimaka wajen yaki da motsin zuciyarmu da tunani mara kyau.
Dole ne namiji ya yi tunani game da yadda mace ta karbi yaro, ta taimaka kuma ta tallafa mata. Kowannenmu an haife shi don zama mai farin ciki da ƙauna. Kuma me ya hana? Abokan halayyar halayyar mutum kawai, hanya zuwa farin ciki ya kamata a bude ga fahimtarmu da motsin zuciyar mu, to, mace zata iya raba farin ciki tare da yaro. Halitta ya haifar da mace a matsayin uwar, kuma harshen wuta yana zaune a cikin zuciyarmu. Shin zai yiwu cewa yaro, ko da baƙo, bai cancanci wannan wutar ta warke shi ba? Matar da ba ta yi hasara ba a cikin kwanakinta na yaudara ba ta iya ƙauna ba, ba zata sake kiran wani yaro baƙo.